The end and the Begining

On Sunday at the Buffalo springs 70.3 race in Lubbock Tx, my vision quest came to an end. I worked very hard for nearly 6 months, but in the end it was not nearly enough to get the job done. I want to first thank everyone-- my friends, sponsors and especially my family for all the support along this journey.


When I made my goal/quest to come back to competitive triathlon racing after my second Heart surgery, I had convinced myself that if I worked hard enough I could be competitive again. I would then prove to myself and others that having your chest broke open a couple of times does not mean things have to be different. In retrospect I should of never came out with that goal. I knew that becoming ultra competitive again in triathlon would be very difficult. I just did not know how difficult. I should of realized that just coming back to healthy training and finishing triathlons would be enough of a challenge. But my perfectionism and hard headed-ness kicked in and I wanted more than that. I know that the first rule of setting goals is to make them achievable. However, I did not follow this rule. It became clear in Lubbock that my body did not allow me to reach these lofty goals. My competitive triathlon days are now officially over. And with this realization there comes a tremendous sense of relief. It is now time for a new beginning.

Race report:

Going into the race and for the past 6mo, I have worked as hard as I ever have, in my 20+ yrs of training for this sport. But now my engine is different, retooled with a transplant aortic valve and root, the way it feels to train and race is much different than ever before and not in a good way.

Before the race, Mike Pigg and I decided to take the pressure off of trying to compete at a high level and just stick to conservative Heart rate numbers throughout the race and have a clean day and finish. The last time a did Buffalo springs after my first Heart surgery I didn't finish the run and of course there was St.Croix. The plan was to swim very smooth and not stressed, stay at 130-135 on the bike and 135-140 on the run and finish feeling good.
I spent much of the past few weeks getting my head around this idea. I knew it was the right thing to do given the last few races and how inconsistent I felt in training/racing. With the weather on race day predicted to be over 100 degrees with wind, it made even more sense to be very conservative.

Before the race I was very calm and even though they grouped the 50+ group in with the 30-34 males I found a way to get away from the madness and have a relatively stress free swim, going 28 and change and never really pushing any HR effort. Coming out of the water I took my sweet time and got on the bike with the sole focus to stay at the 130-135 number and concentrate on hydration and nutrition.

All my career I have always hammered the bike and for most of the past 20+years this was my strength in the sport and how I became competitive in races, so it was hard to let tons of folks pass me on the bike. But I did-- even though it was very hard to keep the HR down to the 130 number with the heat and wind and I found myself riding more at 135 instead. this probably cost me a bit in the last 5-10 miles as we hit a pretty stiff headwind and what was a relatively easy ride to that point became tougher. My split was 2;42 and that pretty much sucks. On to the run and with the heat rising up into the triple digits, it was really hard to keep the HR down, so I used the walk through the aid station technique, ice in the hat, etc.... typical death march stuff and actually felt pretty good the last 4miles and ran most of it without walking. My split on the run was 2hrs not exactly stellar either but I finished. My time would end up being 5:16 placing 7th in my age group. I ranked 7th in every discipline. At the finish I felt physically pretty good, no gut bomb, no medical tent, no blisters( i did wear socks) a clean race( albeit slow as ass) But one thing was for sure, I was done with racing Triathlon. I had once placed 2nd overall in this race back in 1995 in a time of 4:18 almost an hour faster than I did on Sunday. Just another stark realization of my deterioration and inability to race competitively on a national level again.

I am proud of fighting myself back to this point. The work has been brutal. I think that in the end I realize that for me to get more competitive in this sport I would have to spend even more time, maybe even years of many hours of aerobic training in order to acclimate my system to become more efficient at lower HR numbers. And even if I did so, I may still not get to that level again. This is something I am not willing to put me or my family through any more.

when I started racing triathlon in the late 80s it was fun, I had no expectations and it felt good to get in shape after being fat and out of shape by having a desk job. The next few years from 87-93 I had fun with the sport. I enjoyed going to races, talking smack and planing the training with the guys. There was camaraderie, we had a good group of guys to train with, there was no coaches or numbers to adhere to, just chase each other around as hard as possible. those were the days. It was hard but it was fun to compete on a day to day basis

then in 1993 I started to win races and with that came the expectations and pressure to be good in every race. This made the sport less and less fun. My relationships turned stressed and it was only about living up to the expectations of doing better or at least as good as before. There was Ironman Hawaii, Nationals, ect... I didn't like what I had become as a person, I was focused completely around the sport and I was so very selfish. Competition was the focus in my life and it became my identity. There was so many sacrifices and mistakes I made through those years. I can honestly say that the only real positives that came out of that period was meeting my wife Sarah and a few good friends as well as developing my fitness business.

Starting in 2003 I became more removed from the sport of triathlon when Sarah and I moved to Montana. I exercised the 3 sports just for health and fitness and without a whole lot of structure. Again i started to enjoyed the sports. You see in Montana triathletes are not super prevalent and folks enjoy activity in many modes and don't take themselves so seriously about any of them. I put very little pressure on myself to be very good in these years.

Then the heart surgeries changed everything in my life both mentally and physically. I did not want heart surgery to limit me in any way. So I fought hard to come back. Fast forward to this latest comeback. By trying to be competitive like before I found myself again getting selfish, absorbed in the training/racing and basically a pain in the ass to live with. Going to the big races and seeing the competitive athletes made me want to be good again. It was like in the godfather-- "I try to get out but they pull me back in" But at these races I also realized that I was not into the triathlon scene anymore. I found it more and more nauseating.

I also know that my training had become a stress on my family and friends. My wife Sarah has been super understanding during this period but it has not been easy on her. I am very sorry to have put her through this struggle. I love her so very much. And my kids( Chloe and Cale) are the lights of my life and during this whole thing it has weighed heavily on me that I have spent so much time away from them while training and racing. Now that it is over I am very excited to spend time playing with my kids in the dirt again!

After the Race, I was in the car and driving back to Montana within 45min of my finish. I do believe that I won the open heart surgery division + driving 16 hrs straight after a 70.3 race, all I can say is thank god for 5 hr energy! On the drive I had a great conversation with Mike Pigg for about an hour. He has been great in the past couple of months counseling me in my training and in Life. We talked about how finishing was a good thing and that I had done it right by racing aerobic and feeling good at the finish without incident. He also remarked that he didn't understand how anyone with a family trained for Ironman. He told me that if he had a family when he raced that he could not have done it. I think he has got that right.

We also discussed how to approach my post racing period. here are some of the suggestions that Mike made when I asked him how he approached his transition from racing. The following is some of the advice that Mike gave.

1. No more structure, Have fun when you exercise and mix it up with what you feel like doing on that day.

2. take days off when you feel like it

3. its ok to gain 10 pounds but not 20 lbs. if that happens just cut back on the beer and ice cream and eat more protein and vegetables.

4. plan exercise with your kids and your wife, make movement a family outing. Mike recently went out for 3hrs with his 14 yr old son on a tandem. He said that it was great to spend that time taking, moving and seeing the countryside. killing 2 birds with one stone

5. go out and train with friends and/or clients. Go as slow as you want, make exercise more social.

6. Its ok to enter a 5k or bike race and go as hard as you want, just make sure you don't have any expectations

7. look down the road to things like coaching your kids in sport or activity

8. stay fit enough to keep up with your kids when you get to be 60,70,80 yrs old

9. play more golf

10. spend more time at the cabin, hiking, biking and playing in the woods with the family.

so today I will start a new phase in my life without triathlon racing. Is this failure in my quest hard to swallow? sure it is. but with every end there is a new beginning and this quest fortunately has no clock.

coachjay

Ironheart classic/ willard bay tri/ cabin and lead up to lubbock

Since my last post, I have been trying hard to bounce back from the poor outcome at St. Croix. But I have to be honest, it has been much harder to be UP for workouts than before ST. Croix. Each bout of work has been more inconsistent than in the past and it has been very hard to predict how my body feels and reacts to training. It is unclear why exactly this is happening but it is clear that someone with a partial heart transplant trying to compete at a high level is an unknown entity. This could be just the way it is going to be with my new heart or I may be hitting the ceiling on just how I can compete given my circumstances. These thoughts weigh very heavy on my mind going into races these days. There was a time that working this hard gave me a lot of confidence going into races. Over the years I have had some bad days but for the most part I was very consistent when I toed the line. Now things are different and it is uncomfortable to deal with.

a few weeks ago I traveled to Seattle to visit with my friends Carol and Matt Des rosiers (dizzy)and run in the Ironheart classic 8miler. I had not been to Seattle in many years and it was great to spend some time with Diz and Carol since they moved out there. When I got in to Seattle Diz and I went down the Pike Market and saw the sights.



Dizzy at the original starbucks



flying fish at Pike market Seattle

We then headed up to Mt. Vernon where the Des Rosiers live and hit the links for some golf. A really nice golf course where Diz and Carol live. Golf was fun and then great seafood eats. Its really nice to get fresh seafood as a change of pace from what we get in Billings. Great day.



next up the Ironheart classic. I was really trying to see what I could hold for 8 miles running and also wanted to connect with other heart surgery patients that where also competing. As I lined up at the start, you look around and guess on who had a scar on there chest or not. My thought is " I hope I can beat the other heart patients". There were a few fast looking guys up in the front and at the start I went out like I was 30 and went through the first mile at 6:11! shit too fast. I settled back and got into a better pace and pretty much ran 6:30 miles from there on out until the finish, I finished in 51:57 and finished 5th overall and first in the heart patient category. I was somewhat pleased with this race and felt ok but not great through out this effort. I was pleased that I passed Diz and Carol with a 1/2 mile to go on their 4mile walk. something we had smack talked about the night before at dinner! Fun event and a fun day. Thanks to Dave Watkins for putting on the first annual Ironheart classic. We hope to make this a great annual event. Here are the results!



Jay at the Ironheart classic 8miler in Seattle



Dizzy comes down the trail at little mountain near his house In Mt Vernon Wa



Diz and I at the summit of Little mountain

This past weekend I traveled down to Ogden UT for the Willard bay Olympic Distance Triathlon. I chose this race because the timing was right and I could drive to the event. I also would be able to meet my client Jay Preston who lives is Salt Lake. I really needed to get a tri under my belt after St. Croix so as to build some confidence going into Lubbock. After arriving at Ogden I met Jay and we went for a prerace swim. The lake was supposed to be 63 degrees but it was really 51 degrees! buuuur. Jay and I then rode the course easy. The bike course was flat and fast although the roads were not great. Jay and I had a nice dinner and got to know each other.

The race the next day went almost good. In the swim I felt pretty strong and even though I was by myself I felt strong and got into a great rhythm. I would come out of the water in 6th overall in a time of 21:40. On the bike my strategy was to take a bit more time to get to pace and it seemed to work as I felt pretty strong from the go and built into a good pace ave around 278 watts for the first loop(12.5miles)I battled with a younger local guy on the second loop but stayed in control trying to make sure I would have a solid race throughout. My bike time would be 1:01 which would rank me the second fastest bike split of the day. I was very pleased on how I felt on the bike. I did have a bit of a mistake on the T2 as I followed the young guy into the transition and right to his rack instead of mine! damn! that was stupid. it took me a while to figure out that I was in the wrong rack. finally I got to my rack and got my run gear on. Then the run. the first couple of miles I felt descent running sub 7min pace. The run course was on a gravel levy( out and back) after a couple of miles my legs felt weak and my cardio system was also getting stressed. At the turnaround, I had to stop and get some rocks out of my shoes. then it just seemed that I was bogging down and at mile four I felt a bit wrong and had some dizziness which concerned me, so I walked through the aid station and gathered myself. I finished the last mile a bit better, but in the end my 45min run was a disappointment. I had hoped to run in the low 40s here. all in all it was much better than St. Croix and somewhat of a regaining of confidence. I do need to be much better on the run come June 26th. The finish results I would end up at 2:10 which would be good for 4th overall and first old guy. Thanks to Jay Preston for coming up early in the morning to support his coach!

we finally are getting some spring time temps here in Montana! must be the global cooling up here. So we got up to the cabin for the first time in 6 weeks! my favorite ride in the world is heading from the cabin to wilsal/clyde park and this weekend all the way around to livingston. Right now the snow pack is still huge and every thing else is green and finally the wildflowers are coming out.



heading to the back side of the battle ridge climb brutal with 18% grades



aaah the open roads of Montana-- from the cabin--sometimes over an hour without a passing car-- there is nothing like it---

On the Clone front-- congrats to Adam Weaver and Jay Preston for great races at the Boise 70.3 race. Jay was 3rd in his age group in a time of 4;21 posting the fastest amateur bike split of the day. And Adam placed 10th in the same 40-44 age group.

with just a week to go until I hoof it to Lubbock(106 degrees today, Yikes)I am sowing up my last key workouts before my taper/rest. I am feeling pretty good and especially with getting my head around just having a clean race at Lubbock, which is what Mike Pigg and I are calling my goal for this race. I am going to be very strict on my HR number and am going to concentrate on that first. what ever happens with my time and place happens after that. No matter what the result I know I have done everything I could do to prepare and am proud of working through how hard it has been given the way my body is and feels. It has been very hard to attempt this and apart from having the surgeries and pic line drip-- the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do. I am hopeful that I will get to finish line with that clean race!

Trials & Tribulations

(Post by Sarah:) Well! It has been quite an on-again off-again spring. The weather in MT has produced non-stop rains and cool weather...finally getting into full-on spring this week! Jay's races and training seem to have gone up and down with the weather. First we suffered a big disappointment at St. Croix. Then, with the go-ahead from Dr. Scott Sample, Jay came in 5th overall at the Ironheart 8-miler in Seattle. Now, this weekend, he's headed to an olympic distance at Willard Bay. I sure hope it goes well for him!

On the home front, we have also suffered some significant trials, including home damage due to the moisture, termites, and sliding shale behind our home. Chloe is out of school for the summer and starting camp next week. Cale is still going to "baby school" at MSU Billings. I am still teaching a bit and conducting research on the side.

With the end of my university semester, my training (for nothing in particular) has increased and I am beginning to look around for races. I am planning on doing a trail run in Red Lodge, a 10-mile trail run in Bozeman, the Falmouth Sprint Tri, a century ride in the Beartooths, and perhaps a 50 km in August.

I'll be on the East Coast for the month of July...and will be looking forward to catching up with some of the old crew. Jay will remain in Montana, training and racing.

rebuilding confidence/seeing clearly

Since the disappointment of St.Croix it has been hard to get my mojo back. Like most sports the mental side is very important to any success. With a bit less confidence and uncertainty I have wondered whether this quest is even possible after failing a couple of weeks ago. It has been a lot more difficult to get out the door for workouts. Bunches of you have sent nice notes on what happened and I really appreciate the kind words. But it is hard to put in such hard work and get a bad result. I loved endurance racing from the start because for the most part if you worked hard you were rewarded with good results. However, the circumstances are a bit different now and I will have to deal with the other variables involved with my body and somehow find the best way around them. My patterns of recovery with certain loads of training is a lot different than every before and it has been difficult to read how to plan for these ups and downs.

In the past few weeks there has been a change in my guidance. I am now working with Mike Pigg on my training. so far the main difference between Mike and Dave Scott has been the more organic(I will try to explain this) nature of the coaching. Dave's workouts and coaching were great and they were very challenging to say the least. I feel they definitely got me to a new level of fitness. Just getting through those workouts gave me a degree of confidence in my comeback.



The Intensity of Mike Pigg racing


For those of you who don't know of Mike Pigg. Mike is a triathlon Icon. One of the best of all Time. His resume is dense and the Story of Mike Pigg's career is an amazing one which is documented in this 2001 story when he retired from the sport. I got to know mike in 1993 at the multi-sport camp of champions camp in San Diego. The recently passed Dr Hilton Kort and I attended the camp and met Mike for the first time there. Mike is a regular guy with an incredible enthusiasm for sport. His heart is huge and his ability to suffer is legendary. Dave Scott told me recently that Mikes suffer quotient was off the charts. But beyond his desire to win, his attention to detail in his training and his vast knowledge and experience with the process is an incredible resource.

Later in Mikes career we collaborated on a couple of projects including a Triathlon camp in Atlanta/ North Georgia and even produced a cycling video together(which by the way I don't even have a copy of --long story) So it was the logical choice to have Mike work with me on my vision quest.

I have been coaching folks in Triathlon for 20 years now and over those years much has changed in my life. And of course with those changes come the way I look at coaching and my methods. I used to coach by the motto that always got me my results--- "out work the other guy" and that philosophy has served me and my clients well over the years. Now of course there is more technology, more gadgets, and a very different and increasing triathlon crowd. In my my older and hopefully wiser years I have found that there is more to coaching than just placing an incredible work load of swimming, biking and running on an individual. Don't get me wrong now--- if you want to be good at this sport you still have to do a bunch of hard well placed and well paced work in all three sports. However, what has become a bunch more evident to me now, more than ever is how this workload fits in someones healthy life.

Mike Pigg is very conscience of this fact as well. Mike raced for money and that was pretty much it. When he couldn't make a living doing it, he was done. Now Mike loves to be active and still does events for fun, he is planning on doing the Leadville 100 Mtn bike race this summer among other events and adventures. but he doesn't need to do it at his best level anymore--He has been the best-- There are other things more important for him to spend his hours on. Mike and his wife have a real estate business and he has 2 kids of 14yrs old. his daughter Chloe is one of the best distance runners in the state, you can view her racing at Hayward field in Oregon a couple of weeks ago. (on the important docs page of this blog.)

I and most of us are not pro's and don't make a living racing triathlon, so for us amateurs there is a difference in the picture surrounding training and our lives. I asked Mike once in an interview back in 2002, what he would miss from racing, his response was "being super fit". Super fit is what it takes to be competitive on the national stage in Triathlon. I too will miss being "super fit" after this is all over. It makes you feel like superman compared to others. However, I do know that post competitive racing that exercise in many forms will continue to be a big part of our lives and just "fit" will be just fine, and in most respects much healthier for me and my family.

While working with me, Mike asks me every week about how I feel, whats going on with my physical and mental state and what's going on with my life other than training/racing. This week I have Chloe with me for the next 3 days, while Sarah and Cale are in Bozeman for a work conference, and Mike takes this into consideration with my training. He makes it a positive by suggesting spending quality time with your daughter and take some easy days around the extra responsibilities. Today I see this lack of training as a positive, while in previous years I certainly would not.

You see I believe that training for Triathlon at the high level while having a family(not to mention a job) is nearly impossible to really have a healthy balance. I came to that conclusion a while back, based my 20yrs of experience and hundreds of examples of bad outcomes. I know there are exceptions but when I look through all the folks I have worked with over the years( and there is a wide cross section of people in that crowd) I see a huge majority of bad outcomes or troubling circumstances that have occurred as a result of obsessive triathlon training. And let me be clear I include myself in that crowd. What Mike is communicating to me and in a large part what I have been trying to communicate to my clients in the past number of years is that you need to look beyond the training to keep a healthy balanced life. A life that is not clouded by the pull or what I refer to as "the crack pipe"(triathlon addiction).

I have said to many folks in recent years that training 15-25 hrs a week for Triathlon doesn't make me a better father or husband. It flat out doesn't. It costs a ton of money, it makes you tired( with all this affects) and it is a serious time suck even outside the actual hours of training(travel,planning, etc..) With all that said, this is the path I have chosen. I don't fold folks who want to get fit and do a triathlon for a goal to get to better health, into this crowd. I encourage people to race for a way to motivate toward a healthy goal. We are talking about the group that wants to get competitive at the national level and what it takes to do so.

I still love to work with the beginner who sees triathlon as a mode to lose weight and get fit. I was that person back in 1986. I am also taking increasing pride in my work with other heart patients who are battling back from getting knocked down. Inspiring folks to see that anything is possible after being really sick or hurt. I am really looking forward to running in the ironheart classic 8mile race this weekend in Seattle and visiting with other folks that have had similar challenges to mine.

4 months into my personal quest I am trying my best to do what it takes to make the results I seek happen. The training is taking a sacrifice that I am not at all comfortable with. I am looking forward to after it is all said and done that I will be back to having a better balance in my life, spending more time with my family and being fit albeit not super fit. This much is clear

Remembering and Forgetting

Remembering


Friday night our good friend of nearly 20 yrs, Doctor Hilton Kort passed from his battle from a rare form of Cancer. I worked with Hilton and his family, wife Phillipa, and sons Jonathon and Anton since 1993. They were like a second family to me. I spent many hours with the Kort family, and I will remember many good times spent with Hilton and the family. Hilton hosted a group of us from Atlanta to race with him at Ironman South Africa in 2001; I also had the opportunity to stay at their house in Vail for training camps; I was fortunate to travel with Anton to national junior races; and did countless workouts with all of the family in the Atlanta area. The times I spent with Hilton were always special because he was a special man. Recently we would talk about fighting back from health hardships. I believe we gained strength and resolve from each other.



Hilton and I at Rev 3 Knoxville last year

We raced together exactly a year ago at the Rev 3 Triathlon in Knoxville, TN where we both won our age groups. Hilton had a heart of gold and I always marveled at the closeness of their family. They were committed to fitness and the whole family would do races and events together. Anton and Hilton only a year or so ago raced together at sprint worlds. The Korts were what a family should be. There was a closeness you felt any time you were around the Kort family. Hilton was one of the premier IVF specialists in the entire world; in his work and in his private life he touched so many lives. The world will miss Hilton Kort. I will be wearing a ribbon and gather strength from his strength in every race I do this year.

forgetting

After the days of depression post St. Croix, I have pushed forward and gotten back on the horse this past week. I have been working with Triathlon Icon Mike Pigg for the past few weeks as Dave Scott has had to cut back on his client load with new business opportunities. The timing was not great on this change but I am very fortunate to be working with Mike now on my quest/comeback. I have kept my HR in check (aerobic) per Mike's advice, until I was tested and met with my doctor (Dr. Scott Sample) this week.

The Echo today came back good and I have checked out fine with the doc. The reason for what happened to my legs in St. Croix is still unknown but there are a few things that we are going to try to do differently moving forward for the next race. I will no doubt have some fear of this happening again but it's time to forget and gain confidence and more fitness moving forward. With my history, it is just going to be very hard to race and deal with the feel of my body and decipher what is normal and what may be not.

Last weekend I ponied up and did a cycling Omnium in Belt, Montana. The Omnium started in the morning with an 11-mile TT and in the afternoon a 50-mile road race. It was a pleasant surprise to race pretty well. I finished 2nd in the TT with a time of 27 minutes and 309-watt ave, and in the road race I was in the mix for most of the cat 1,2,3 and masters A group and ave 260-watts for over 2 hrs. These are the kind of numbers that I was showing going into St. Croix! So I was again encouraged with what my body could still do and that my fitness level was much better than what it showed a week ago.

Next up with be the Ironheart classic 8mile run in Seattle and an olympic race the willard Bay Triathlon in Utah June 4th and on to the Buffalo Springs race on June 26th.

On the clone front, a big congrats to my 62nd Hawaii Ironman qualifier clone, Jay Preston, from Salt Lake City, UT. Jay placed 3rd in the 40-44 age group with a time of 9:57 a 15min PR from last year in the St. Georges Ironman. Jay had the fastest bike split in his age group. Jay will be doing the Boise 70.3 and then getting ready for a great race in Kona. I also want to announce a new clone in Kelly Carter Flynn. Kelly is training for her first triathlon as her family has set a goal to do a Tri together in remembrance of their father who died last year of heart disease and complications from valve repair. Also a shout out to my wife and my best supporter Sarah for a stellar 2nd place in the Montana Women's Run 5miler she was second to non other than Olympic gold medalist and masters record holder Joan Benoit Samuelson. also participating in the women's run (which by the way had an awesome participation of 8700 runners) Sue, Carla, Jennel and my 5yr old Chloe.

This weekend Clones, Dan Brewer, Dr. Paolo Gerbasi, and Mike Fogassey toe the line in the 70.3 Florida in Orlando FL. Good luck guys!

Ironheart Racing

The stairway back up

Believe it or not, there are some 100 other heart patient triathletes who are really organized! Jay has just discovered their team - ironheartracing.com - and joined. Many of them had congenital problems like Jay and are determined to be competitive again. Jay is going out to join their first event in Seattle next week - The Ironheart Classic

When: May 21, 2011 09:00
Where: Marymoor Park- Redmond, WA
What: A 4 mile Fun Run/Walk representing the 4 chambers of the heart,
An 8 mile Run representing the 4 chambers + 4 valves of the heart

If you are in the vicinity, please consider joining Jay in this event!

Back to the drawing board

This is a very hard blog to write but as they say -- I need to cowboy up! Things today did not go as planned in St.Croix. All week I was feeling positive and the body and mind were good. All my tune-ups went well and on Thursday I went up the Beast(the .7-mile hill of avg. grade of 15%)in 7 minutes, pretty much no problem at 140 HR. I felt rested, and nervous, but ready to roll and I was confident that I had done all the prep I could do to be ready for this test. Race morning was also good with all my gear and nutrition ready to race this very difficult course.

The swim started and I got out to a good start and settled into my pace and felt pretty good and relaxed. I got a good draft from Roger Wacker and another in my group on the way back in. I came out in 32 and change and thought -- "Damn, I thought I could go more like 30 here," but looking at the times and my place (7th) out of the water I was in pretty good shape going into the bike.

Then everything went bad. I started the bike and immediately thought, "Shit, my legs feel like crap!" but I didn't panic, I knew it was a long hard race and my legs surely would come around. The first short loop and into town, Sarah shouted that I was in 4th. OK, my legs feel like shit but I am OK if I get some legs sometime soon, I tried as I might, easier gears, harder gears, standing, etc.... but it was like I had a bad electrical current in my legs that wouldn't allow me to push any power to the pedals. At mile 20 I hit the "Beast," where just a few days ago I went up it pretty easy. Not this time. I was barely able to get up the thing. Over the top and down to the faster section of the course. I stayed in the game and continued to fight to find something. By mile 30 I was actually pushing my hand on my quads to push the pedal down. I was relegated to the small ring and barely able to push 200 w. I was done.

I spun easy to the short loop and cut through --- I really don't think I could of got around the hard side of the island for the last 20 miles. And certainly could not have run. It was like I was bonked after a century. I saw Sarah at the corner of the short loop and said to her, "I have never felt legs on the bike quite like that before." I was able to get to the room barely and now I am processing what exactly happened.

I can't tell you how disappointed and embarrassed I am about this. I knew this quest was going to be hard but I really thought that my training numbers were good and I was ready to perform today. I obviously wasn't. I have had so many people routing for me and supporting me in this quest. I have let you all down today and it really hurts. I even had a good cry as I watching the "Bucket List" on the tube. I have no idea why it went bad today --- which is the most frustrating. Everyone has bad days with bad legs and I --- like everyone has had my fair share of bad days on the race course. There were a couple of incidents in Training were something like this happened to me. A few weeks ago at a practice TT (17 miles) my legs where a bit bad like this and I was very average on the bike. And In Las Vegas I had a day with very little power as well. But everyone has bad training days within a training block. right? Last week, however, I felt great and my power was very strong. I tapered from 20 hrs to 10 hrs to 6 hrs the last 3 weeks and nothing seemed to indicate a problem. Although maybe tapering was the problem? But there was certainly something very wrong today. I don't know whether my heart had anything to do with this but I am scheduled for testing in the next couple of weeks to make sure it had nothing to do with the way I felt today. My gut feeling is that my heart is fine, my breathing and heart felt fine today it was my legs that were the problem.

In any case there is just a couple of choices for me going forward. One, give this whole thing up and forget about racing at this level or fight back and give it more time and another shot at Buffalo Springs. This is not the end..... Buffalo Springs 70.3, here I come. and tonight many drinks

thanks for all the well wishes and I am sorry for today

Jay