From snowshoeing in Bozeman to cyclocross in Florida

We've had a busy month of escapades, but with an added component of misfortune that turned each adventure slightly awry. Over thanksgiving, my mother, brother and friends from Billings, Sue and Paul, joined our family at our cabin amidst 2 feet of snow. The trip started off fantastically, with a group snowshoe hike up Nixon Peak, and Chloe pitching in the make Grandma Marschall's rolls. We even got a few turns in at Bridger and some strong workouts at the Nordic center. Unfortunately, events turned sour when my brother smashed our snowmobile into a tree. (This occurred after Sue and Paul got their car stuck, the plow truck went down, and our propane heater went on the blink). Luckily, no one was hurt. Unluckily, it required major repairs and will not be ready for at least another month!


For Christmas, we thought we'd throw in a couple of cyclo-cross races in Miami while visiting Jay's folks in Florida. The first race was "Tropical Cyclocross" in Key Biscayne and we both came in 3d in our respective races, male masters and women, although I weathered numerous flats due to my lack of bunny-hopping ability! We also went out to some phenomenal Cuban food, saw the holiday boat parade at Bayside and did some late night Christmas shopping after several Mojitos!

Then it was up to Stuart, FL for in-laws and kid time. Chloe rode her bike almost every single day, played with the neighbor kids, went to the Oceanography Center with her cousin Tyler, played in the surf at Jupiter, and went mountain biking in the jungle at night! Cale continued to progress - exhausting her grandparents to the hilt.


As with Thanksgiving, everything was fine until "disaster" struck - Jay came down with kidney stones and a sore throat, his mom and dad got a stomach bug - and several days were spent with Sarah being the lone survivor to manage the household. Luckily, everyone's health improved for Christmas eve, and we had a wonderful steak house night out and presents in the morning. Jay even ran me into the ground on Christmas day with a 5-mile run followed by a bike ride to Hobe Sound.

xcross, snowboarding, and guitar playing?

I was talking to our friends Sue and Paul the other day about how many changes I am trying to make in my life. Even Sarah was saying that maybe I am changing too many things. A few weeks ago Sarah bought me an electric Guitar and amp, having no musical background and never having touched an instrument, I have begun taking Guitar lessons! My goal to be be able to play a song for the family in a few months. -- this is way out of my comfort zone and a whole new challenge for sure!. Along with Guitar lessons I decided it was time( after 45yrs) to stop biting my fingernails. part of that motivation was the need to have fingernails to pick the guitar and the other is it is just a gross habit. Then there is getting my masters degree at MSUB starting this spring semester. Why all these changes? well of course my health issues with my multiple Heart surgeries were a main reason. Fighting through this hardship has been brutal, but our thought was to fill the void left from being a competitive endurance athlete with other challenges.



Jay with his new Guitar

It was just last week when at my last cardiologist checkup with Dr.Sample. That it was reveled to me that the group of doctors here in Billings looked at my case after May's revealing echo and came to the conclusion that I would probably not be coming back from surgery in Chicago. As my hair stood on end I realized that how lucky I am to be changing anything. It also makes you cherish your time with your family and take a new focus on every moment you have with them.

The good news is that my checkup went well and my last Echo looked very good. Dr Sample even said I could start exploring higher heart rates while exercising! it was getting quite boring to stay below 130! Unfortunately, He did say that my capacity to perform would never be quite the same, due to the lack of elasticity in my new( or should I say used) Aortic Root. But I was just happy to hear him say at the end of our meeting that quote" you should be pumped". So for training I will continue to be diligent and try to get the most out of my health with what I have been dealt. Where this process will lead I don't know. I certainly enjoy the process and I will continue to try to improve on my fitness all be it with a limited scope and time.

as most of my triathlon clients end or wind down their season I am constantly urging them to explore something other than the Swim, Bike and run world of triathlon. why? well in my 20+ years in and around the sport and having coached over 300+ folks of all levels, I have seen many a triathlete self destruct from the grind or what I call the "Crack pipe".(Look for a new addition to my blog soon, it will be entitled " tales from the crack pipe") In Atlanta all my boys( training partners and mentors, all of which were national caliber age groupers)to a person are out of the sport all together or what I call "in the graveyard." The grind was eventually too much for them and their lives. And with the popularity of the Ironman distance this is even more prevalent.

In 1995, I got on a mountain bike for the first time. I was horrible! I was a bloody mess and found myself over the handle bars many times. But I was laughing and having fun. The off road crowd was so much different from the roadies and triathletes. you wore baggy shorts, drank beer, and talked about everything except training! I was hooked. every fall and winter I would ride mountain bikes, and I was the only triathlete in the group. 10 of the boys would chase each other on a different route every week for a couple of hours, then we would tell lies over burritos and beer!

the result of changing my mode of training was significant. In fact, In 1997 after almost never getting on the road and riding my mountain bike exclusively, I came out in the spring and won Powerman alabama(overall amateur) and Gulf coast 1/2 ironman( overall including the pros). Not only was I refreshed and happy to get back on the road when spring approached, it actually made me stronger and fitter. You can look at many of the mountain bike athletes who go to the road and kick butt. Its just a super hard discipline and makes you incredibly fit and strong-- and by the way its a gas and in no way like training for triathlon!



Coachjay at the Bozeman cross races

Then there is cyclocross-- which I only took up a few years ago. I call it 1 hour of pain! but for some reason its fun. every course is different and every race a challenge. You ride a kinda hybrid road/mountain bike and you are faced with obstacles( like sand pits, wood barriers, stairs,run ups etc..) and you have to jump off the bike and carry your bike over these obstacles. Sarah and I did a number of races this fall here in Montana. they were real fun with a cross between the cycling and mtn bike crowd again no triathletes here! I was forced to not go real hard on these races this fall since I have a HR limitation to that point but in XC racing this is nearly impossible so I was typically getting last in these events. Sarah and I are even doing a couple of more XC races in December as we head to Florida to see my Parents over Xmas. Back to Back races in Miami florida! Should be fun!



Sarah at the Riverfront cross race jumping a barrier



Chloe likes riding her bike at xc races too!



coachjay laughes( or cries?) as he runs across the sand pit in the Bozeman cross races



Cale is not quite ready to join in on the fun!

another example of off season training especially in the colder climates is skate skiing, there is example after example of athletes using xcountry skiing as a discipline that can improver there other sports during the off season, I was amazed when I was in Boston on how the sport of skate skiing transferred over to my fitness on the bike. And as I researched it I found that many other triathletes and cyclists found the same thing. Many of them never touching their bikes during the winter months. Some of my peers like Pierre Lavoie, Michael Hagen come to mind. there where also legends like Greg Lemond who used skate skiing all winter for his off season fitness.



Sarah nordic skiing at Bohart ranch





heading up to Nixon peak from the cabin

so now its winter and I am stoked to get back on the snow and skate! This past weekend it was snow, snow, and more snow as the family trekked up to the cabin to acclimated for our Thanksgiving day week in a couple of days. I was busy plowing the road all weekend as it dumped 2 feet of fluffy powder! It was amazing. Sarah and I tagged teamed on some Nordic skiing at Bohart ranch and Sunday I did a first by skinning up our mountain(Nixon peak)from our cabin on my split board. put the board together and rode down in the deep powder all the while trying to avoid Gatlin and Teddy as they tried to stay in front of me! It was incredible.



at the top of Nixon peak with my split board and my dogs Gatlin and Teddy



and my trip down



from our cabin porch looking out at Bridger bowl and our new lift chair swing from Bridger's old alpine lift! Thanks Brook and Tex!



Chloe practices her Nordic

So its Thanksgiving and Sarah's Mom and brother are coming in from Boston and with our friends Sue and Paul we will head up to the cabin and again I will be in charge of cooking the Tday dinner! Of course we will be running the annual huffin for stuffin 10k that morning, which is a great event and it somewhat justifies your overeating! after the run it will be making the feast, and of course I have to do the whole thing since that fatal day when I cracked on Sarah's Turkey color some 7 years ago.
Then it will be skiing and playing in the snow the rest of the weekend. can't wait.

and finally a clone report: Congrats to Adam Weaver for a Pr performance in Kona with a 9:52, Adam had some issues in the middle section of the run but fought through it and finished strong the last miles of the marathon. I told Adam that you almost never see someone having nutrition issue slow down to a walk and come back to running 7:30miles at the end-- so kudos Adam!. Also Kevin Welsh had a solid day in the Austin with a 4:48 and along with Kevin, Matt Rosetti finished his first 70.3 in 4:47. Also racing in Texas were Carla Cobb and Sue Balter who raced the San Antonio 1/2 marathon and met there goals with solid runs. Also I have added a new clone from Salt Lake city, Jay Preston. Jay raced in Kona this year and hopes to go back and race even better. Look for great things from Jay in 2011!

have a great holiday

coachjay

Winter's Coming!

The first swirls of snow hit the ground this week causing Chloe to get on her snowboots and the Saturday group ride to switch to off road officially this week. We dabbled in a few cyclo-cross races this fall, which was majorly fun but also majorly embarassing for me, having no technical ability whatsoever! We raced the Bozeman Pond series and the Billings Cross Weekend hosted magnificently by Rob Newsome.

I've been rigorously working through the fall, with classes back on track, trying to manage mom care and work with training and outdoor fun. The fall here in Montana has been incredibly warm and sunny, making for wonderful noontime runs with my YMCA group - Sarah Berwald, Cecil Pegram, Renee Coppock and Pam Harder. The weekends have also been great for road cycling which I've enjoyed with Maggie Vralsted and the Saturday group ride.

Now looking at the winter months looming ahead, Jay has already put on his Nordic skis once and is looking to hike and ski downhill this weekend. I'm sticking with the weekend long run on the Billings rims for now, but waiting for that huge snowfall which will bring us all out. Chloe's already signed up for Mogul Mites - 10 weeks this winter.

Jay's started guitar and I'm waiting to hear his first song over Thanksgiving - which we will enjoy with Huffing for Stuffing, the Balter-Reitzes, my mother, and my brother. The best part of Turkey Weekend? CoachJay does all the cooking! I can hardly wait for the first glass of wine, sipped while watching him sweat over Grandma's rolls.

The times they are a changing

I know,,,,its been forever. but I confess. I have been sheltering myself from all the changes and fears going on in my head and life. All of these goings on should be a reason to write stuff... but I have retracted to my little family up on the hill and have concentrated my efforts and time with my Wife and Girls. waking up in the morning and feeding Cale and having that incredible smile when she sees her daddy, driving Chloe to Kindergarten is the best. Along with Kindergarten starting, Chloe started soccer and her first game was such a hoot. I filmed the whole thing and found myself being on of those parents on the sideline yikes!---its so unavoidable. Cale is crawling up a storm and is ready to walk real soon, she is only 9months but she is super nimble and has already pulled herself up to standing.


Chloe going in to Blue creek school on her first day



Cale's big smile



Chloe and Cale during Daddy day care




Cale and Dad at the spearfish waterpark


Just a short update on my health.... as of last week. I am still in limbo on what my future might hold... as far as how much I can do and at what level... my blood levels are still very low(anemic) but are coming up ever so slowly. this is a good thing because every time I workout( 5-9 hrs a week all aerobic) I feel like ass! I have however got back into the gym for bodywork, which is great! getting just a bit of resemblance to my old body back. I am planning on getting back into the pool and yoga classes, as soon as I get the motivation to start over in those disciplines as well----- oh it sucks to start from zero--- I know, I know I told you folks that before and I often warn all my clients as well--- don't do it! be consistent with some form of activity if at all possible--- the grave yard is always waiting to claim another. just do it dammit! 2 more months and I may know from Dr. Sample what is next for me--- however, my ID doc has told me that as far as monitoring me for a new infection--- there is nothing they can really do. It seems I am going to have to live with the fear---- that makes life a bit on the scary side.

But I am pushing forward on redirecting my energies in some new and old directions. the past few months I have had some great times and experiences as well as new directions.

Played golf with the old man in the Briarwood tangle only a day after my Pic line was removed, we played ok but not in the money and best of all there was no major fights on the golf course!

I also played in the club championship, which to my amazement I found myself in the final group after shooting a 4 over 76 in the first round. but of course my putting woes continue and I struggled to a 82 the second day and a 5th place finish. not bad for having a hole in my chest still

I completed, barely--- the Dakota 50 mountain bike race in spearfish SD, in 6hrs and 40 minutes, this race was awesome and very difficult, I would of never of even attempted this thing if it wasn't for a dry run epic mountain bike ride at the Bangtail trail with Pat in Bozeman the week before. doing an event like these with no red blood cells I think is about 2x harder than doing the hawaii Ironman completely healthy! I survived the bangtail, so I said ok I can survive this.....we had such a great time in Spearfish. We rented a RV and parked it with the Dueys Rv. The campground was so kid friendly and Chloe was off on her bike the whole time. such a blast. and then there was an afternnon at a great waterpark in town for some cooling off. definitely an event to do next year.

at one of the aid stations in the Dakota 50 mountain bike race about 15miles from the finish---not sure I am going to make it!



at our campsite roasting marshmellows in Spearfish SD


Dad and Chloe at the waterpark



Chloe on her bike


and the girls all together in the water

Another Trip to the cabin and a group ride on the Bangtail with the boys and a BBQ after at the cabin-- great day! a full 40min faster than a few weeks ago-- so I am getting better but it sure doesn't feel it.


Steve Mysee, Wayne Urlenbush, Randy Hammerquist and coach atop grassy mountain on the Bangtail divide trail

Then there was our trip to Denver for 2 further shows at red rocks, Sue, Paul and Pam joined us for some of the best shows I have seen the post Jerry era dead do---what's more to say about that other than, I was able to scam 1st row the second night after showing my chest scar! Sarah and I dancing with the handicapped deadheads--- priceless!

Then Sarah and I flew off to Chicago for my 30th HS reunion in Glen Ellyn IL. I went a couple of days early to see my parents and play some golf at the Acres. That place is just the best. I invited Andy and Kevin from Purdue to come up and play with my Dad. Again my putting sucked but it was a great day never the less. I ran through lake forest and visited Jeffery's grave site. and I was even able to repair my bad sushi experience that Kevin and Sarah dragged me into in Denver by finding a great sushi bar at the Dearpath Inn!

The Reunion was an experience, since I hadn't seen many of the folks for some 10-20yrs. passed out a bunch of business cards to the guys, since many have let themselves go a bit, and the girls well they looked pretty good for the most part, this reunion was much more reminiscing than previous ones. which was great! The Hitters won the football game and are ranked 2nd in the state-- watching them walk down the hill was as cool as it was when I was a kid. I hope we can get some visitors to Montana from reconnecting with my old friends in HS. and yes Jean( I know she reads my blog) I will kick your ASS on the slopes come wintertime, pick the place, Colorado, Montana, Utah.... lets go girl. Pam and Bob we want to see you at Steamboat this winter, no excuses Jean!

Back in Montana one of those life changing items is going back to School-- I feel like Rodney Dangerfield(almost as old) After a lot of thought, I have decided to first get my masters in a new program called Exercise and sport leadership at MSUB with a possible direction towards getting my PHD. I have been hitting a ceiling with my coaching business for sometime now and it was time to look at going further with my knowledge and skill set. With everyone under the sun, seemingly, coaching Triathletes it was time to do something more substantial and bigger. Since this is going to take some time I will continue to coach/teach( all be it at a lesser capacity)until I am done with my studies and am ready to venture into new opportunities

On the Clone front: I am so proud of Pam Rogan for her 11th place finish at nationals in Alabama in the 40-45 age group, Pam was first out of the water in 21.20 and had a solid race. Pam as been with me for 10 years, she has 3 young kids is a full time school teacher(Her husband Bob is a full time teacher as well). Needless to say Pam does a lot with the time she has to train! great job girl! Anton Kort also had a remarkable 5th place finish at Sprint nationals after having served our country abroad for the past year. Anton took a flyer on Nationals with the hope of having a great worlds in 2011. Sue Balter had a fine PR at the montana governors cup 10k and congrats to Bill Zink and Mike Gulledge for there PR's in the same race, Mike PR'd by 13 min! Paolo Gerbasi also PR'd at the governors cup with a 1:29 1/2 marathon! and just last night Dylan Johnson,14yrs old won the city cross country meet at riverfront park(2miles) in a stellar time of 11:04! I have been training Dylan throughout the summer and fall and needless to say I am on my bike while he runs! Mike Fogassey down in Florida has had a great Tri season with another top finish and a Pr in the siesta key sprint tri-- its just a matter of time before mike breaks through with a win in the 55-59 age group. I am really looking forward to watching a number of clones racing soon. Adam Weaver will be racing in Kona at the Ironman world championships this Saturday and should be ready to have an awesome race. also Matt Rossetti racing out of NY,NY( of all places) just had a second overall finish in a duathlon in central park and will be racing his first 70.3 race in Austin TX next week, also racing in Austin with be my man Kevin Welsh who after an update LBP test is ready to execute his best race. Both boys are ready to go and have a great one.

one more note: today is the Hawaii Ironman and my predictions are Andreas Raleart(on a Blue) and Chrissy Wellington but could be close on the men's side

The everyday activities here in Billings are as follows:

Monday, Weds and Friday swim practices at the YMCA and at MSUB masters both start at 5:30a

Tuesday: cyclo- cross practice starts at 5:30 at Pioneer park

Weds: track practice at West HS starting at 5:30p

Thursday: Night mtb rides starting at various locations check the BACN announcements for time and place

Saturdays/Sundays: group rides road and mtn bike or cross rides usually start at 9am but check BACN announcements for details

coming up cyclocross races in Bozeman and Billings check out http://www.montanacycling.net

fighting back

The last 8 weeks have been tough since getting back home-- the Drugs have made me feel like shit with the Antibiotics making every thing taste weird( especially beer)My energy has been up and down and the PIC line was a real drag. Fortunately, the PIC line was taken out last week and I am off the Antibiotics! YEAH. It still takes a while to get them out the system but I should be feeling better pretty soon. It is still unclear on what I will be able to do in the future but I am hopeful that I will get the guidance I need soon to set my mind at ease. this is the toughest part of my recovery. I wish there could be some reassurance-- but unfortunately there may never be.

Even though I have not been feeling very well, I have fought to get my life back to normal, working as much as I can and trying to be somewhat active. I have been doing sessions in the park with my clients in the morning since the Outlaws training center was reconfigured for games after the Metra was ripped up during the Tornado. the workouts have been fun for me and my clones. But by the afternoon I would be toast and needed to rest.

The family enjoyed a couple of long weekends at the cabin and even though I was pretty weak I did do a few mountain bike rides with my friends Brook, Michele and Mike Ritter. Boy going uphill with a Hematocrit level of 30 is not a formula for feeling strong on the bike that is for sure.



resting!



following Brook for a while anyway

Sarah had a conference in Big sky and took Cale with her leaving Chloe and I at home in Billings. Chloe and I had some great daddy/daughter time together, and thanks to Sue, Paul and Steve Mysee I had some help with food and entertainment. thanks guys! The MSUB summerfest was a blast with lots of kids activities including( unfortunately a gold fish game which brought Chloe her first pets of her own-- after one night we were down to one fish and a lesson about life, death and the right amount of fish food!

We meet Sarah and Cale in Big sky a couple of days later and had some fun Big sky times, Chloe bungy jumped and rock climbed and I even attempted a mtn bike ride there which turned into more of a hike a bike---its steep and high there for me right now--- then it was off to the Targhee music fest--- just like last year-- to get away and have some fun after a trying couple of months-- we arrived just in time for the JGB band which was awesome! then Moe---- The next day Sarah ran the Tin Cup 1/2 marathon (won the masters division) and brought the kids to a free day camp-- how cool is that! while I sleep in and watched the British open at the Hotel. The Mountain biking is great at Targhee with beautiful flowers and buff singletrack-- of course I was only good for the easiest of trails this year which showed that I was weaker than last year at this time. I Just couldn't climb that mountain this year --- no way!



Targhee single track

Then there was relaxing in the sun and taking in the great lawn,scene and music including Shawn Colvin, Grace Potter and Los Lobos. Los lobos was tremendous, doing some dead and ABB songs and jams. Hot music and cool nights--- next year make the trip! its really cool.

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Los Lobos jams at the Targhee music fest


Back in Billings-- my Parents came in for 10 days and the old man and I played in the Briarwood tangle golf tourney. I had only swung the club a few weeks by now and it showed as we played pretty poor-- coming in around the middle of the pack. Mom spend the time taking care of the grand kids and doing her chores. Chloe turned 5 and we had a great birthday party with 20 of her friends! Grandma took her in to get her hair done with Braids-- I have to say she is the most beautiful little girl.



Chloe in Braids

Cale is really growing up now and is crawling like a mad women! she is so good and is really fun to play with already-- eating real food now too! and of course her Big sister loves her very much.



Chloe and Cale

Next is a trip to Denver to work with some Clients and then off to Cape Cod to have a visit with Sarah's family and have some beach time, I am entered into the Falmouth road race which should be interesting to say the least-- I hope I finish!

Many Clones have been busy! at the Big Sky state games coachjay clones raked in many medals: Steve Mysee, Mike Ritter, Sue Balter, Paolo Gerbasi, Carla Cobb, and Dave Hein all medaled. also there was Pam Rogan in Georgia who had a strong 1st in her age in Chattagnoga.

talk to you all soon!

Coachjay

back home!

after 2 weeks of being held up in the Hospital and then a Chicago hotel like Howard Hughes, I am back home in Montana. It is really nice to be back home to my family and friends and our wonderful state. Really no new info on my condition or cause just that I possibly contracted a strep A infection that may of caused the endocarditis and or the subsequent infected valve and aneurysm. I am busy seeing the team of docs here in Billings to see what is my followup and recovery approach going forward. for now it is another 6 weeks to get the chest healed and off all the anti-biotic.

The last few days I have been up and down with my energy and pain. I have not had the energy to get out and exercise yet but I hope to real soon. I am however back to work, which is nice. It helps to get back into my regular routine and mix it up with the folks. I want to thank all my clients and friends for all the support I have received as we have gone through this difficult time. The good news is that it seems the drugs are not as hard on my appetite as the last time, I have been able to eat pretty normally and have only lost 5 lbs so far. In Fact, In Chicago I really enjoyed going out to all the great restaurants with some Chicago friends( Mike and Joanne H, Carol D, Kevin C, and cousins Johnny and Brett) It was great to have the support of all of you on that difficult week in the Hotel.



view from the water taxi while Sarah and I take a trip to Navy Pier after being released from the Hospital

It was also great to be in the city while the Blackhawks rolled to the Stanly Cup! I tried to see the Parade on Friday but the 400,000 crazed fans was not ideal to be crunched up to with a 14 inch chest wound! so I watched on TV instead.



Chloe has started Soccer Camp and Cale continues to amaze with her growth and good manner. I am looking forward to these next weeks watching the kids and getting stronger day by day.



Jay

pain and suffering

Boy this sucks! finally out of the hospital as of yesterday. But now in a Hotel in Chicago downtown Chicago for another week. I have to see all the medical teams for followups at the end of the week and then the plan is to get back to Montana next Saturday. I feel OK but a few days ago they started the aggressive broad range antibiotics which is really uncomfortable and nasty. I am still pretty uncomfortable but there are a few hours a day that I feel reasonable. I am now administering the 4 antibiotics in the Hotel with the help of Sarah and the home nurse but as of Sunday I will be doing this myself, so Coach jay is now Nurse jay. It takes 6+ hrs a day to do this drug stuff so it pretty much sucks since I cannot be mobile. The worst part is that I have to do this for 6-8 weeks! Ouch! Sarah made a chart for me to keep all the drugs organized for when I need to take them. I could never remember it all without it. Each one has a different amount, frequency and dosage. Here is a list of all that is streaming through me.

Drugs

Vancomycin
Rifampin
Gentamycin
Cefepime
Norco
Motrin
Lopressor
Senekot

Then there is a variety of other orals that I take on demand

After getting out yesterday and checking into the Hotel, surprisingly was able to feel hungry and Sarah and I went downstairs to the Weber Grill and actually eat real food! It was the most pleasurable thing for a long while! Yeah! take it when you can get it I am saying. Then Sarah and I went for a walk around the Hotel, which is right by the magnificent Mile between State and Wabash. Unfortunately, I cannot drink any beer! but if I can eat I may gain weight or even get fat! since I am surrounded by great restaurants. The walk was great but a gradual hill up Michigan ave just about killed me-- a reminder of what is to come with my cardio rehab.-- NOT AGAIN! It is nice to see the vibe of the city even though my personal vibe is very low right now. But just today we walked down to NIKE town and my wife set me up with some new sneaks and outfit ! skateboard dude pretty rad-- did I tell you that mountain boarding may be my next sport? Shoes always make you feel better, right Carla?

I am still very confused, mad and frustrated on how I was this close to death when just a few weeks ago I was winning my age group in the Rev3 triathlon and doing 1/2 ironman bricks 4 days before I was forced to another open heart surgery. So many questions I still have in my head-- and no answers. But I am trying to put those behind me for now and concentrate on task at hand. staying positive and getting better.

Being in Bed all day sucks for sure but I am hoping to get out and walk in the city and go down to the lake this next week-- searching for those little comforts when I can. My mom is still here and has been helping with Cale. Chloe is on Cape Cod with Grandma. Little Cale was playing with me this morning as I was administering those drugs. She is a great baby and fills me with Joy. Sarah has been real busy arranging all the details, she will be heading to Boston on Monday to gather the kids. Sarah has been keeping me going and helps get me through each day she is the best. Before the taste of good food last night, I could only think positively about the fact that I was alive and the love of my family and friends.

So for the next week I will administer drugs, go for walks if I can, see movies and hopefully have a good report from the docs at the end of the week and get back home. then time will tell what comes next for us. I scribbled down some thoughts when I was real week the past few days of some other thought and comments I had:

1. exactly 1yr apart is there a time release infection? deja vu' you got to be kidding me

2. up in the middle of the night watching the movie "born on the 4th of july" not a good idea

3. Pain changes everything-- you cannot be yourself

4. you can ask for Grateful dead music in the MRI machine and get it! although doing 30s breathe holds 3days after open heart surgery is as hard a workout as you can imagine. aparentely I am the only one that has even attempted to get all the way on those.

5. I am now a fan of the show "House" . it just so happened to be a house marathon week on the tube. It seems that every episode was about me and if I was a doctor i would be just like house!

6. It really sucks that 'vs.' is not a station received at the hospital or hotel--that's not right. GO BLACKHAWKS the city is a buzz with the Hawks Hey does anyone have tickets to
Sundays game in Chicago?

I will sign out for now and hopefully update things again soon! need to get out of this room now before being closed in again.

Jay